Beginner's Steps To Healing Your Self Confidence Issues

Self-confidence is a difficult thing to come by and a very fragile thing to have for many of us. You can probably think right now of someone who seems to have endless reserves of it. You may think I'm about to tell you they're every bit as insecure as the rest of us. The truth is, some people are that confident. Some project the image of having it, but are actually neurotic behind closed doors. We're all different.

What is certain is that if you struggle with self-confidence, it is something fundamentally difficult to build. We can have good days, two or three in a row, and then one thing happens that dashes it. It can be a bad photo, an unkind (and unsolicited) Tweet, or nothing concrete at all. Building from the ground up takes time, especially if you feel like everyone around you is nailing it.

Image by John Hain

If you want to live a happy life, the simple truth is that you need to be comfortable in your skin. None of us is perfect (and that is a fact), and being able to own that imperfection is key to being happy and content. But owning it doesn't mean doing nothing about it, so you don't necessarily have to live with the source of your insecurity. When you know what makes you feel insecure, ask yourself what can be done about it.

Your Insecurity Is ... Negative Body Image

A lot of celebrity and lifestyle magazines have a lot to answer for. The idea that a person is somehow less because they put on a few pounds is not a new one. Scandal sheets from before most of us were born, and glossy magazines today, have all done it. The idea that they create is that if you do put on a few pounds, you're "troubled" and "sad". This can send you either to the gym or to the fridge.

We all have parts of us we're not happy with, whether they've been printed in a magazine with a ring around them or not. Sometimes, if we have gained weight, we would do well to lose it. But the reason for that should be our physical health. Some of the diets, and other methods, used by celebrities and others, are actively unhealthy. It's better to be over by a pound or two than in a hospital for anorexia.

Image by Lisa Amy

To help lose weight, it's better instead to change some simple aspects of your diet. Snacking on light salads and bananas instead of chocolate. Replacing sugary drinks with green tea, which has been demonstrated to aid weight loss but also has benefits for alertness. This way, you can feel a bit stronger and more in control, which will help your self-image a great deal.

Image by Wilkernet

Your Insecurity Is ... On Your Face

There's no getting around it, some of us look in the mirror in the morning and wish we hadn't. When you have low self-confidence, even a mere trick of the light can make what's looking back at you, seem awful. It could be lines or patches on your skin. It could be bags under your eyes, yellowed teeth, heavy brows or you're unhappy with your nose. Our minds have a treacherous way of zoning in on the thing we don't like, and rubbing salt in the wound.

We've all seen celebrities, and people with enough money, who have become hooked on plastic surgery. One unifying factor about all of these people is that they may look a million dollars, but they always project sadness. It's driven some to the grave. It is a drastic solution to problems that are almost never half as drastic. Seemingly, the more people go under the knife, the less happy they are.

That's not to say you can't get some assistance. On a one-off, or here and there basis, a retouch is not a mortal sin. A non surgical nose job or a peel here and there can give you a needed boost. There are plenty of options through diet and at-home treatments that can make your skin look fresher and you feel better. Just don't chase perfection; the harder you run after it, the further away it gets.

Your Insecurity Is ... External

Some of us feel insecure not through any visible imperfection, but because we are told that we don't match up. It could be from an article we read (those magazines again!), or someone close to us. It could be from people on social media who seem to live to tell strangers they're ugly. Oh, those people do exist, and they always seem to target girls and women, and usually have an egg for an avatar.

Sometimes, though, the people who make us feel insecure are those known to us. It could be a brother or sister, a friend or a frenemy. It is, in some appalling cases, a parent. Sometimes, if we tell them it hurts us, they'll say they were kidding. Whether that is true or just a sneaky get-out, it's not a justifiable reason to make you feel bad. If you have someone who does this, they need to know it's not fine.

Image by Cali4beach

Trolls can be blocked, muted and reported to the site owners - although more needs to be done, it is a start at least. If the person making us feel bad is a family member, don't be reluctant to give them both barrels about how it makes you feel. If it's a friend, reason with them that it's not funny if it hurts. And if it's a frenemy, cut them out and toss their opinions on the fire. Life is too short to care what everyone thinks.

It's not as easy as people think to cast your insecurities aside, but it is possible to change the way you think about them. All the self-help cliches in the world may well just bounce off, but the one truth we can all hold to is that nobody is perfect. Take ownership of what makes you insecure. It can be a weapon, and you don't need to be afraid of what anyone thinks when you realize they have their own issues.

*This is a collaborative post, please take a look at my full disclosure here.


  1. I love this article hun and really relates to me right now. Thanks for this great read. Love it.


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